The Good Banter Thread

[callingcolleen1]

Well I was up up all night long, I found up the courage to befriend them on Facebook, and sent a quick message to the one sister. I even posted a picture of my nefew, then took it down in the middle of the night, before anybody could see... I thought the picture would be too shocking, No response yet, but I see they don't post every day on facebook.

I did reach out to the family when my sister first had my sweet little nefew. He was born three months premie and almost did not make it. I took pictures of him to his fathers Mom and Dad, and they called the cops on me and had a restraining order, just because I came with pictures of my nefew. His father rejected him when he was only a baby cause he had found new wife and did not want nothing to do with my nefew, even though he knows that that kid is 100% his, as their was a DNA test done when my nefew was just a baby, and he had to pay a child support of only 100 dollars per month. His real father has never seen his only son....

I saw him and his wife one day about six years later, they were at a local swimming pool with their two small girls, my nefew is about 1 or 2 years older than his sisters. The wife told me to go away and never speak to them again. So I never did, and it was just chance that I bumped into them at the local pool. That was 18 or 19 years ago....

I have not told my nefew, I fear that more rejection from his real dad, or worse yet, rejection from his sisters, would be too painful.
I will wait and see what time will tell, see if his sister's reach out back to me.....

 

[capewind]

I find this whole thing sad ... First off, that your nephew still feels the rejection, I can understand how he could feel that way, BUT also feel that he NEEDS someone to talk to to deal with this issue, HIS ISSUE, or it will follow him into his adult life. He needs to know none of this was his fault, and his father/sperm donor was the lowest type of piece of shit on this planet. I could ALMOST understand the fathers position if controlled by the then wife to be (not much of a MAN, but can understand how it could come to be), but the grandparents too???

As to the half siblings .. you have no idea of what they may or may not know about their half brother, or if they even know that he exists. I'll go out on a limb here, and let's say that the father's family thought your sister was the lowest of the low ,,, that doesnt mean these girls will feel the same way, Kids can be amazing. There is no way of knowing until these kids are put together. It may not even go well in the beginning, but as they all grow older, well, the lines of communication was started.

IF you truly believe that your nephews emotional well being is that delicate, he really needs help NOW regardless of what you decide about his sisters, but everything in me is screaming that these kids have the RIGHT to know each other. That YOU are OBLIGATED to all of them, to help get the communications started since YOU did find one of the girls...

My situation was totally different. My father did have my brother and I talk on occasion (phone), my brother's mother didnt intend to come between us, it's just what happend with the age difference, time and geographical distance, and both my brother and I feel robbed of years because of it.

 

[callingcolleen1]

Well what happened was my sister (his mom) told me about the picture of his sisters and sent me the link on facebook. I was shocked to see how much they look alike. I cried for everybody, and feel bad for my nefew. It was hard on the kid, to be told his dad did not ever want to see him or know him. I cried, my sister cried we all cried. It was heartbreaking to say the least. My nefew had to live his whole life knowing that his dad rejected him, and not because of who he is, but because he was born. My nefew may not like to talk about this issue, but he is getting older, now 24, and his sisters are in their early twenty's too.

The thing is Medicine Hat is not that big of a city and things happen. My neice just so happens to be friends on facebook with one of his sisters and she most likely does not know that her friend is her cousins brother. Small world....

The truth will come out, it always does, and I may have helped it along. I sent another message to the one sister and sent two of my favorite pictures of their brother. .....

 

[capewind]

It is a small world and the internet makes it even smaller. My family is screwed up on both sides. I dont talk to my biological mother (I call my ex-stepmother "Mom"). I walked away from her in 1993. Sadly, I had to walk away from my step father as well. I dont know how he dealt with her, but he was a wonderful man. He had 5 kids from his first marriage. One of his kids was only a month older than I was. Her and I got along as kids, but really had nothing in common past the occassional weekend her, and her younger brother came to visit. We all grew up, lost touch, etc. A few years ago, my older daughter, and HER DAUGHTER became friends ... they had no idea they were cousins by marriage. I didnt even know she lived in the area. They had a mutual friend (the boy who moved in here last week) ... He was over their house, and I guess the kids (my niece and this boy) were doing something on facebook, and my step sister caught my name, and put it together .. Next thing I know I am getting a text message from this boy asking if my stepfather's nickname was xxx LOL. THAT is how my stepsister and I reconnected ... Through the kids...

No matter what you and your sister do, your nephew has issues that he needs to talk about with someone. I know at that age, it's tough. I made that choice for myself at 25. I put myself through two years of therapy, as i was raised (my grandmother and aunts influence) to respect my elders, and I had none for my biological mother. I needed help to understand that what she put me through was not my fault, and that there was nothing wrong with ME for feeling the way I did towards her.

I kept that woman away from my kids, but they have always known how to find her. My older daughter met her first, and has since learned for herself that she wants nothing to do with her. My younger daughter just recently met her, and is having the same respect struggle I had with her, but keeps trying to give her more chances. My son has no interests in EVER meeting her, but that is his choice. I made her location known to them once they were old enough to decide for themselves. In this case, their safety as children was an issue.

Kids have the right to know who their family members are. What they choose to do with the info as adults is up to them. Just my view coming from a very disfunctional family.

 

[Big Lou]

Ladies, so very sorry for the emotional pain to you and yours.

 

[callingcolleen1]

Yes, that was my thought as well Capewind, we shall see if anyone on facebook reponds or not.....

 

[j.w]

I am adopted as some of you know and I searched for my mother, father and siblings when about 20 yrs old. I found my mother, and half sister and now I have done a dna test through ancestry.com and so has my half sister and we have now found a cousin which has led us to our mothers side of the family as my mother never knew her blood family either as she was adopted also. So now I have a bunch of leads on who my mothers family is by being able to view this cousins family tree online. Still looking for the fathers side but anyways I think most kids who don't know their family really want to so you do what you can for them Colleen and then see where it goes from there. It is not the boys fault and he should not be shunned just because he was born. Hope he can meet and become close w/ his sisters and hope they haven't been told a bunch of horrible lies to keep them away from their brother. People can be really cruel. Hope for the best that's all you can do.

 

[capewind]

Ladies, so very sorry for the emotional pain to you and yours.

Thanks Lou. It's all good. It's just hard when you know that you cant protect your kids from the family garbage. Colleen is in a rough spot to be in.

 

[koiguy1969]

 

[Big Lou]

While in grocery store today saw a brutish looking fellow with long, long bleached blond hair, tattoos galore wearing biker garb. He was carefully carrying a large little girls birthday cake. Just goes to show you can't always judge a book by its cover. ( a lovely sight smile )

 

[sissy]

my son is like that lou .I never judge until I peak to them .I lost my parents when I was pregnant with my second son and we where very close and then mom and dad (my inlaws ) which i loved as much as my mom and dad passed away a year apart from each othe after we moved to VA to be close to them .Mom died on fathers day and dad died a year later on mothers day .I lost my brother a couple of years ago .To me family is number one no matter what .Pee wee had never met my son until the day my hubby had his heart attack and all pee wee would do is follow my son around and want to sit on his lap .
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[sissy]

You notice the art on his body first off .He shaves his head because on the back he has a skull tattooed on his head and he has them every where .He is a walking art studio for his tattoo parlor

 

[capewind]

Nothing wrong with having body art. If someone wants to cover every inch of their body, so be it. It is their body why should it bother anyone? .

 

[sissy]

hey I told him I carried that body and took all the precautions to give birth to a perfect baby and even risk my life to do so and he scribbled all over it .I bought him a coloring book and crayons and told him you want to scribble on something scribble on here with these and gave him written directions too . :cheerful:

 

[capewind]

Just face it, it was all your fault for encouraging creative expressions. Clearly he used up the space in the coloring books, and had to do something ...