The pond dig has begun!

[callingcolleen1]

sounds like your brother causes you stress and worry, well don't get too involved as it can bring you down. My one sister causes me much worry too as she is not well either and does not work. . She too is lonely, never dates at all, but at least no longer drinks anymore. I worry about health, the way she eats, scared to eat anything cause everything she claims makes her sick. She quit eating meat, bread, and dairy and went vegan. All she drinks is smoothies, but at least she is not drinking in a bar getting drunk and stupid anymore! I could never stand her drunk, reminded me too much of my drunk father. Years of drinking and popping pills has made her sick, but she is at least trying to get well and at least I am blessed to have such wonderful nefews! , I am glad she turned her life around but not too happy about the vegan part cause I think it is just making her weaker....

 

[CountryEscape]

Oh, I know my brother is definitely lonely. The problem is he is so freaking bull headed he would NEVER dream of changing even a little bit of himself to make his life better with a woman in it! I'm his sister, and he respects me, but still doesn't think what I make him do is necessary. Come on, closing a package after you take out a bagel? I'm pretty sure that's "normal". My boss asked if he does that at home. I'm certain he does, and it gets mold on it and dries out and he probably still eats it if at all possible. Finding milk jugs in the fridge with curdled milk ought to tell you how long past usable dates he keeps stuff. And, he just doesn't know when to throw things away. Also, he does not have trash pick up, so has to sneak his trash into the neighbors' trash containers. Since all his neighbors are college students, that's not too hard, but it's still wrong. He's just that tight with his money. Oh, I could go on and on, but I won't. I do my best, have been there to help with major clean up project at his bicycle shop, and that was 2.5 years ago. It's pretty much back to where it was before about 12 people came and spent 2 days hauling junk out and sweeping up the place. You can't fix lack of common sense. He's book smart, common sense stupid. :banghead3:

 

[MitchM]

Isn't hoarding in the process of being declared a mental illness?
I wish they could come up with a medication for that. It's sad to see those shows with the real problems that it causes.

 

[CountryEscape]

Oh, I'm sure my brother has many quirks that would be considered mental illnesses. It's just that he is bull headed, and bossy. He always has been. He used to get in my face, 1" from my face, and stare at me when he was really mad when we were kids. All sorts of things to intimidate. He's not a big man, only about 5'5" tall, and very thin, probably weighs 120 or less. Always has been small, so I guess that was his way of making himself seem big and mean. Anyhow, he knows it's wrong, it's just habit that he has created and has no desire to fix. It's the most frustrating to me because I know he's smarter than that, just chooses not to act it. For instance, he had a ferret that had a very large room all to himself. He never gave the ferret a litter box, it just pooped and peed wherever it felt like. I told him the ferret needed to be in a large cage, he thought I was crazy! LOL I cleaned that room up, scooped up all the poop (filled 2 - 5 gallon buckets, and it was 90% dried up stuff ...), then mopped it over and over again, wood floor, trying to get all the nasty stuff cleaned up. After about 50 buckets of water, I gave up. It was pretty useless to get it "clean", but it sure was better. Gave the ferret a litter box, and he used it immediately! Then I realized my brother didn't clean out the other 3 cats (at that time) litter boxes often enough, so why did I think he would clean this one out? He didn't, and the ferret began using the floor again. Yeah, he has lots of habits that would be considered mental, I just call him LAZY. He's always been lazy, slow moving, does things at his own pace, and having his own business allows him to come in late (opens at noon) and leave early (closes at 6) and stay out all night and sleep until 10 or 11 if he wants, which he does. Just nothing about his life is "normal", but all are choices he has made over time, and there is no way to correct them now, short of taking him totally out of that town and putting him in a house where I can monitor it. Just not sure I even WANT to do that! LOL

 

[MitchM]

Not sure if this information would be helpful, but maybe:

http://www.hoarders.org/define.html

 

[CountryEscape]

Mitch, that is my brother to a T! His issue is all of that - clutter making his house dangerous is the biggest one of all. He had a stroke, then 2 seizures within a year of the stroke. He drags one of his feet, so walking over junk on the floor is very dangerous. He can get up if he falls, at this point, so not dangerous to the meaning of falling and can't get up, but it may come that that one day. And, his idea of all the junk is that he is going to "recycle" it! He had probably 50 milk jugs stored in his dining room, some with up to a half gallon of curdled milk! I told him no recycling place would want them with anything inside, he should have emptied them first. Gave him a month (til his next Dr. appt.) to get rid of them, or I would toss them. Next month, still there. He was furious when I bagged them up and tossed them. Told him I didn't have time, or the stomach, to empty them and clean them for recycling. He also has paper goods all over the floor, also for recycling, which never happened. The mess in the kitchen, a totally different mess. Just pure laziness. When I cleaned his kitchen, I found totally rotten potatoes, hanging in a wire basket, stinking to high heaven! When I removed them, was washing dishes that had been in the sink probably a year or more ... I could still smell a stench. Went looking and found raw turkey legs, maggots covering it, in a old kitty litter box, lid not tight on top. He was going to put that in his "compost pile". OMG!!! So, he has stupid ideas, and even though I told him meat and bones do NOT get composted, he is bull headed enough that will not change his mind. Does that make him mental? Yep, in my book and in society, he is crazy. In reality, with doctors who would find him insane ... NOPE. So, this is what I have to deal with when I go up there, which is not very often anymore. I'm sick of trying to help, and him not helping me at all. When I talk to him on the phone, he ALWAYS says something like, "Well, I was cleaning up in the house" ... he says that for my benefit, not that he has actually done it, but maybe he is thinking of doing it, just never gets up and does it. Putting a waste can in his living room, for his TV dinner trays to get tossed into didn't even help. He just tossed them on the floor instead, the trash can was nearly empty. How frustrating!!! No, he's not normal, but legally he's not insane either. Yep, very frustrating.

 

[callingcolleen1]

CE, you need to take a breather from him or he will drag you down, is there anyone else in the family that can step in and give him help? He probally needs an intervention and should be put in an extended care facility soon or something. I feel bad for you, family can really put a burden on you sometimes. Good luck with the brother cause sounds like things are not going to get better for him any time soon.

I have my Dad, now close to 90, living on his own, has health issues and looks bad, but he won't go into a nice care home cause he like to get out and gamble his money away and I think he runs around with this younger women who use him for money. He won't ever change, my mom said his dad died like that, having sex with a younger women in bed... oh well, not my concern, as he can do what he wants if it makes him happy. My dad will most likely die alone, you get out of life what you put into life.....

 

[MitchM]

Hoarders will only change their behavior if they recognize there's a problem and want to fix it.
Otherwise they are free to live their lives as the rest of us are.
If there are bylaws being broken or public safety at risk, authorities can step in. They may have professionals that can help him at that point.
Cleaning up without his participation will only make the situation worse.
It's difficult to watch a loved one live like that though.

 

[CountryEscape]

Exactly the point, Mitch. You have it figured out. He doesn't really drag me down, Colleen. I don't live close enough to allow that to happen. I just try to give him a breather from his horrendous life (in my opinion, not necessarily his ...) and show him what REAL people do in their lives. I will never change him, have learned to stop trying seriously, but I still WANT him to change. But, as Mitch says, if a hoarder and bull headed person like my brother doesn't want to change, nothing I or anyone else does will ever change him. So, he can be that way, I will just quit trying to make it better. I did that 2 years ago (or maybe closer to 3 now) helping him and cleaning there each time I went up to where he lives (80 miles from me) for his doctor appts. For about 6 months I worked in his house for the rest of the afternoon when I went up there, to make it more worthwhile that I took the day off of work and drove that far. But haven't had to go for any appointments with doctors for a year or more, and quit working inside his house long ago, too.

 

[MitchM]

I know someone like that as well, so I know what you go through trying to deal with it..

 

[sissy]

My hubby will be signing up for social security in 2014 .I have none of my real brothers or sisters left but hubbies brothers and sisters are mine also .My hubbies 1 brother was only 3 years old when i married my hubby .So as they put it we were raised together .We never refer to sister in law or brother in law .We always say brother or sister .There are 9 of them total ,but only 3 of them live in VA .Mom and dad just loved having kids ,must have been the Irish Catholic in them .Geeze not for me .Funny thing is all of them only went on to have 1 to 3 children each and only 3 of them are grandparents .I only have granddoggers .

 

[CountryEscape]

Seems like large families are few and far between. My parents had 6 kids, and 4 of us had 2 children, one had 3. Other one never married or had kids. I think large families stick together so very well, though, always someone there for you. I love having larger than normal family, always wanted 4 kids myself. :blueflower:

 

[sissy]

I did not want any children and when hubby asked I told him ,how bout we get a puppy . almost 11 years between my 2 sons so shows how long it took him to convince me to have another .Other son loved it because it gave him an excuse to play with baby toys again and he really loved shopping for the new baby( he drove me nuts too ) every store he looked at baby stuff .Hubby and I never picked a name out and when second son was born my son Wally wanted to name him Bob Vila after the This Old House star ,so we told him we would name him Robert and middle name was John ( John was father in laws middle name ) seems all the boys in the family had the middle name John .Shows how addicted to those shows I was .I am very close to all my hubby's brothers and sisters ,my brothers and sisters .We have a Christmas table cloth that every year we all sign and the names we then embroider and it has been a tradition since 1975 and glad it is so big because it is getting filled up .We put it on the table and plastic on top and look at all the memories old and new .We bought the red cloth and made it since it needed to fit a table for 50 + people .We used folding tables at the end of the dining table .We started in the middle with parents and grandparents and worked out .All hubby's Aunts and Uncles, nephews and nieces

 

[CountryEscape]

Oh my goodness, Sissy, that is a tradition I have never heard of, and one I really love! Would you please take a pic of that tablecloth this year, and let us all see it? Feel free to post it here, and any other thread you want to post it on to show others. What a great tradition, and the fact you embroidered the names after they were signed, makes it even more awesome.

 

[CountryEscape]

OK, how amazing is this? I'm talking to my Mom on the phone, and looking out into my back yard, talking about the oak tree I recently moved. I see movement at the back side of my property, back pasture, just before the empty corn field. A red fox squirrel! Now, that may not sound exciting to many of you, hateful to some of you, but to me, with 6 acres of land, NO nut trees (of any size that produce nuts yet, anyhow), and the closest possible oak tree being 1/2 mile away, more likely a full mile, across wide open flat field, you would understand my excitement ... or maybe worry for this squirrel. What happened, how did he end up here? I told my mom, his GPS must have been malfunctioning when he went on his trek! I just hope he stays safe from my dogs and the other neighborhood dogs. And, this may be the reason the cat's food is usually close to empty each day.