The Good Banter Thread

[j.w]

"Jesus Knows You're Here"​

A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin,
clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more,
after a bit, he shook his head and
continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so
he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you ?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a
Pit bull Jesus.'​

 

[addy1]

roflmao....................great one jw!

100% chance of 1 inch of rain last night, we get ZERO! did get a wapping 0.1 yesterday when we were to get 3/4 of a inch

 

[koiguy1969]

A LETTER FROM GRANDMA....
Dear Granddaughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumpe...r. Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God! 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared..
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma

 

[addy1]

oh my! that sounds like the florida peeps we run into when we are driving down there..............no offense to you florida peeps on the forum meant!

 

[j.w]

Good one and ya gotta love grandma!

 

[CountryEscape]

How funny! Addy, when my Grandpa was living, and in his 80's probably, he didn't stop at stop lights, just just kept on driving right on through! I kept ducking down in the back seat. My dad told him he drove through a red light, and Grandpa just said, "Well, no one hit me so it must have been green." Yikes!!! I didn't want to ride with him anymore. LOL My dad and his dad got into an argument, and that just made Grandpa drive faster, and he was already driving too fast. How exciting, to think we made it safe and sound. That's the "FL drivers" I think of.
I have an aunt and uncle that live down there now, and they are probably the slow drivers, not paying attention type.

 

[CountryEscape]

Hey, KoiGuy, did you see the new post about the koi eggs hatched in April? You ought to read that thread. I bet you would have lots of pointers for that guy. Besides, I'd like to hear your pointers myself! It's the first time I've seen live baby fry, hope I never find a batch of them like this guy did, or I would likely try to "save them all", and even though I do have an extra 55 gal aquarium, not sure I would be loyal enough to keep the water clean enough to get them through their infancy.

 

[koiguy1969]

i get them by the 10s of 1000s ... i just dont have the facilities to raise those kinds of numbers. so i scoop out about 100 - 200 and go from there...1/3 get eaten by the others, some arent even fertilized. you loose some to fungi. some i post and give away. every year i have 50 - 100 to sell in the spring. sold 55 this year...then it got cold again i only have 6 left of 61. maybe this year i post more on the fry progress...but i do have several threads.
http://www.gardenpon...y-update722011/
http://www.gardenpon...ks-old-koi-fry/
http://www.gardenpon...-frys-eye-veiw/
more of mine and from others in the photography and spawning sections

 

[CountryEscape]

Thanks, KoiGuy. Just enjoyed your baby koi threads. Now, how did you keep your hyacinth in that tight circle (I suspect some floating ring) but keep the koi from devouring them? Do you have a screen under them to keep the roots safe? I have hyacinths I ordered, to be shipped about the first week of May, and I would love to have some in both ponds, but know for a fact my koi devoured them last year. My thought is if by chance they take off in the goldfish pond and the goldies leave them alone, I can put the extras in the koi pond for them to munch on, but I would also love to have some in the koi pond all summer that would be safe from them. Wondering if you had to keep the roots safe, or if there were enough they didn't kill them from grazing on the roots.

 

[koiguy1969]

heres the thread on that: https://www.gardenpondforum.com/topic/2581-floating-planter-rings/

 

[CountryEscape]

Thanks, KoiGuy. I bought some screen wire that will work just perfectly, and have the floating tubes for kids. Think I'll wrap the screen over the floatie, so it's not so obvious! I need to get those made soon, before I get my water hyacinth delivered. Need to buy some small zip ties. I guess if the zip ties won't push through the screen, which is closer mesh, then I'll have to improvise with something else.

 

[j.w]

I get this newsletter a couple times a week from a guy in our area who is an internet guru. Just thought I'd post this for you all so you can check and see if your computer is infected w/ this malware. I checked mine and it is not infected. This malware can take over your machine and do all kinds of things and in July if your machine is one of the infected ones it could be subject to being shutdown and you might wake up one morning unable to use your computer.

http://ask-leo.com/w...=J3l.6rPZ9ZdfbL

 

[sissy]

I have to say went to sams club today and got 3 outdoor LED bulbs for 18.88 and it was a real bargain as the are extremely bright for there size .So now going to finish doing the outdoors areas with LED's .I would figure they would be no problem indoors either

 

[CountryEscape]

Thanks, JW. I did the check and it came up "green", which means I'm good to go.

 

[j.w]

That's good CE and won't it be a surprise to some who wake up one morning w/o service?