The Good Banter Thread

[addy1]

$5.37...that's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me["Only $4.68 he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind?

As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now?

I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus:[/font][/font]
The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.
A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.

There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was,
"What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"?At this point I was ready to ask a Boy

Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on

my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained,
"I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zoneYessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Pass this on to the other "old fogies" on your list (so they can have fun laughing, too).

Notice the type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!

 

[mogsie]

hi everybody, i havent been on much recently as ive been very busy working, lots of kitchens and bathrooms to fit, and their is an old couple i am fitting a bathroom for andi gave them a price for fitting the bath, basin and toilet, but they keep adding extra little jobs on, as they are 70+ it is hard to say no, ( i will be pleased to get that job finished) and on top of all the work i had a very windy night on sunday and it smashed up the glass house in the garden, so having to build a new one, i was out at 2 in the morning but there was nothing i could do to save it, i fell over and a bamboo cane hit me in the eye, (very sore),
i must make time to read back through all the posts on here i have missed, bet allsorts has been going on while i was away !

 

[addy1]

Welcome back mogsie, we were wondering about you.......Glad you didn't hurt your eye worse. Bummer about your glass house.

 

[mogsie]

yeah thanks addy, atleast all the tomatoes where finished, tho ime half way building a new one now but it is a little bit smaller as ime just using the remaining panels from the old one, just need enough room for a couple of cherry tomatoe plants and some chilli pepper plants! yes i was very lucky with my eye, i could see the bamboo coming but couldnt stop myself from hitting it,

 

[addy1]

That is darn scary, you know you are going to get hurt but can't stop it.
I slashed my eyelid with a strand of barb wire someone had put right a head level across a path. The only thing that saved my eye, was I had just looked down to swat a biting fly on my leg, so I got a eyelid lift on one side...........

My poor tomatoes are still making nice ones, but I can't get near them, we still have not quite figured out where that nest of yellow jackets is that stung me. Once it is real cold I am going to take the tractor and move the dirt around to cover them up. Then I will be able to work on the garden. We are a nice 70 plus today, but dropping to 50 this weekend.

One of these years, I will get my green house up, I moved it from arizona, still sitting in pieces.

 

[mogsie]

yes it is very strange addy, it is like you even have time to think about what is about to happen !!, we ran out of sunshine and the plum tomatoes wouldnt ripen so they are on the kitchen window ripening slowly, yes it is a fuuny year weather wise here the other day it was down to 46f and yesterday and today it is 60f, hostas are still flowering and ime still getting strawberries and rasberries, i seen a big queen wasp looking for a sleeping place in one of my tree stumps but i chased her off !

 

[addy1]

No kidding mogsie, the hyacinths are still blooming, but I am starting to pull them. Spent the last few days grooming the lilies and other pond plants before that water gets even colder. It is sitting around 53 or so, the fish are still active and eating.

My neighbor gave me a pair of waders, saved my feet and legs from that cold water. I was pulling out some leaves that had hit the bottom of the pond and managed to scoop out 5 frogs. They must be starting their bottom of the pond hibernation mode. A bunch of tad poles also, from 1/2 inch to 1.5 inches. The maryland green frogs don't morph until the next summer. Every net full I have to shift through the muck to save the critters.

This in one of the five I found on the bottom, just tossed them back in.

 

[mogsie]

just last week the waterfall stoped running and it turned out the pump was blocked, so i took it apart and found a dead frog blocking it up the poor thing, it must have crawled into the pipe and eventually got sucked through to the pump,

 

[addy1]

awwwwwwwww darn. I keep my pump intake covered, nothing but small stuff can get in.

I am not sure what kind these are, they make a little peep noise when they jump into the water when they see you. A lot more nervous than the maryland green frogs.

 

[taherrmann4]

Mogsie glad to hear all is good with you, thought you may have gone on another holiday!

Last night I saw this praying mantis eating a caterpillar.

 

[sissy]

glad you are OK and would love to see some of your work .You must do some great stuff if you are that busy.I have gunk that clogs up my pumps and slows them down .I finally got rid of some of my frogs ,but still have the little frogs with the suction feet that hide up behind the roll up blinds on my front porch and even found one hiding behind a shutter .

 

[mogsie]

yes i have a plastic ball over the end of the intake but it was just a small frog and it must have squeezed between the ball and the pipe, tmann i wish i could afford another holiday !! saving up to go to iceland now but that wont be until next year, it comes in bursts sissy, sometimes i will have a couple of month with not much work on then a few month where everybody wants work done,

 

[sissy]

well you must do some great work then if people are passing the word on and glad everything is ok .Yeh thats why I had to get rid of a lot of the tadpoles though my neighbors are complaining about all the frog noises .I guess they are having a frog ball down at the creek .

 

[addy1]

I was cleaning the skimmer, saw a big glob of stuff, dumped it out, it was a frog mixed with leaves. The sucker jumped back in the skimmer, before I could get the basket back in, took a wild ride through 35 feet of piping, ended up in the pump leaf basket.

 

[taherrmann4]

Did he survive? I have had a few get caught in the pump skimmer basket and I did not notice for a while, it was all bloated.