We don’t want the upkeep of a pond. We don’t want fish. We don’t want a pond with green slime.
If you don't want to upkeep of a pond then you have two answers. You can either:
1.) Not have a pond (meaning fill it in and turn it into a landscaped area without water); or
2.) You can turn it into a fountain instead of a pond. A fountain stays clear because you run with chemicals just like you would a pool.
If you want water plants then you need a pond. If you don't want the upkeep of a pond then you can't have water plants.
What I'm hearing is that you want all of the enjoyment of having a pond with none of the work of having a pond and that's simply unrealistic. Having a pond is a lot of work. It requires a lot of labor and there's a lot of chemistry and botany involved so you need a lot of knowledge to do it well. There are no simple quick answers in ponding. It's a labor-intensive hobby.
If you don't have the time to commit to this sort of hobby then admit that but you have to come to some sort of decision. You either want it and are willing to put into work for it or you don't want it and you need to eliminate it. You can't have what you're asking for: it's not possible.