The Daily Joker.

[HARO]

John

 

[HARO]

John

 

[HARO]

HOUSEHOLD HINTS

Martha's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

Martha
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Maxine
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

Martha
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine
Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Martha
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! You won't feel your headache or anything else after a while.

Martha
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine
Leftover wine?? HELLO !!!!!!!

John

 

[texmaster]

 

[MitchM]

 

[Tara]

 

[Tara]

 

[JamieB]

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lol, yeah, but I know how to buy engine oil. I can even check the owners manual see what kind I need! I can change my oil, my tires, breaks, and do the basics.

 

[addy1]

lol, yeah, but I know how to buy engine oil. I can even check the owners manual see what kind I need! I can change my oil, my tires, breaks, and do the basics.

I used to do all that, but now tell hubby it is his job.

 

[j.w]

 

[koiguy1969]

 

[HARO]

 

[HARO]

 

[HARO]

An elderly Carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife, enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time, it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work, the employer came to the house. He handed the front door key to the Carpenter. “This is your house” he said “my gift to you”.

The Carpenter was shocked. What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house he would’ve done it all so differently.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into it. Then with a shock, we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we would do it much differently.

But we cannot go back. You are the Carpenter of your life. Life is a do-it-yourself project. Your attitude and the choices you make today, build the house you live in tomorrow. Build wisely!

Remember, work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt!!!



~Author unknown~

 

[j.w]