My teenagers is why I will see you naked...

[j.w]

Must have something to do w/ what they broke..................hmmmmmmmmmmmm, let me see. Nope can't do it, can't see a darn thing! A mirror? Nope cuz ya can't see anything in there. The door? What would that matter. Let's see now you said the punishment would fit the crime. The crime was they were running around rampant and broke something. Are you going to rig them up to a large hamster wheel which might be connected to.................oh heck where am I going w/ this...............haven't a clue

 

[JohnHuff]

There are only two more installments to the story. But if there is any interest, I have another one. It's the "My wife can be counted among the living, but she wishes she was dead" story.

 

[HARO]

You embarrassed her THAT badly? :cheerful:
John

 

[JohnHuff]

You embarrassed her THAT badly? :cheerful:
John

It's more along the lines of Edgar Allan Poe's "Tales of horror and imagination".

 

[DrCase]

Dont make me push my get to the end of the story button !!! Dr Sir john. Lol

 

[Catfishnut]

I don't have a web cam so I am safe
Hmmmmmmmmmm, I've heard of those flying bug camera's but that would be way too expensive for you.
It's not pigeons is it cuz I've seen a flock around here lately. When is this going to happen or are you already seeing us naked? And why is it they use that saying naked as a J-bird? A J-bird is not naked.............he's clothed in feathers. Funny thing in jr high and high school my nick name was J-Byrd as Byrd was my last name then and of course my first name starts w/a J

J. W.

I think that this is the answer to the source of the phrase:

Qualification: Interest in the US penal system
In 1920s and 30s America, J-bird was short for jailbird and when they were brought in from the bus, they went to the showers, were given their kit and made to walk from one end of the prison to the other naked. Hence naked as a j-bird – or jaybird.

Gordy

 

[JohnHuff]

Just a few sentences before I go to bed:

I took out the torture instruments I found on a trip to China and unrolled them on the table. China is the name of the Asian market in downtown. And I found the torture instruments in the hygiene aisle there. I think they're meant to be ear cleaning instruments, but they could be torture devices, or both. Either way, they'll serve the same purpose for me...

 

[Catfishnut]

Dr. Sir John,

I could think of many other implications/applications of the word "naked" other than simply being unclothed that could have opened a vast array of logical explanations to your riddle.
However, you were very specific about the use of "naked" to mean the absence of "our" clothing. That makes this riddle very tough to decipher.

The only thing coming to mind for me now is that one or more of your teens is studying in the medical field i.e. radiology, which would allow you to view a person's body via several different scanning techniques making it possible to detect the bones and or organs. The person is actually clothed, but the results of the scan would not show the clothing, hence they would be naked.

Gordy

 

[Catfishnut]

Just a few sentences before I go to bed:

I took out the torture instruments I found on a trip to China and unrolled them on the table. China is the name of the Asian market in downtown. And I found the torture instruments in the hygiene aisle there. I think they're meant to be ear cleaning instruments, but they could be torture devices, or both. Either way, they'll serve the same purpose for me...


Oh my goodness, John!

You're teens have driven you to insanity! You are going to kidnap all of us, make us undress and then clean the wax from our ears!
Oh you poor man! You must call the Ear, Nose and Throat Psycho Hotline right away and get help for your mental affliction!

This is a very common ailment, I have read. There are support groups all over North America! It's a twelve step group with supportive members and chapters everywhere!
The hotline lady will get you connected with a sponsor right away! Don't worry, they are all very friendly down there and they know what you are going through, they all had kids with ear wax, too!

Gordy

 

[JohnHuff]

After reading Gordy's posts above, I wonder who is the crazy one here?!?!?! lol

After I reveal the ending, I am sure that you will agree it is a very plausible explanation of me seeing your naked, caused by my teens, without any hokey-pokey kidnapping or MRI scheme!

 

[koiguy1969]

just to let ya know.... anyone outside my windows with a camera will be shot!
lol

 

[JohnHuff]

So anyway... they clasped each other and begged for mercy, but there would be no escape this time...

Those little brats had broken one of the door locks. When one of them ran in the room and locked the door, the other grabbed the handle and yanked on it furiously. Our doors handles are cheap and it's one of those push button locks. I was furious because, wouldn't you know it, it was MY door that was broken, of all doors.

So I took out my set of ear picks I bought from that Asian supermarket. They clasped each other and begged for mercy because they thought I was gonna clean their ears with those things. But there's a little tool there that you can insert into the stem of the door handle to remove it. I showed them how to remove the lock from the door and I told them that the punishment would fit the crime. They would remove my broken lock and change it with one from their rooms. Which one? They would have to decide which one. Secretly I laughed inside as I thought they had brought it on themselves this time.

So after a while, they said it was done and when I looked at what they had done I was even more furious. I'm against capital punishment for kids but this time they had outdone themselves. They seriously needed a whipping. I began to remove my belt. And it's one of those thick belts with a metal buckle. It would hurt, I know it would, and I rushed at them yelling...

Um, I'm hungry and I need to go get breakfast. Will finish the story tomorrow at the same time.

 

[j.w]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, what the heck? So a broken door knob will allow you to see us naked? Must be whatever they did next to try to remedy the problem. How old are these kids? I'm thinking they are not teenagers. Did they hook a bungie cord to your door and hook that to your computer monitor which knocked it............................oh whatever that can't be it cuz then you couldn't see us at all

 

[JohnHuff]

While I was contemplating my brats' most recent act of perfidy and disobedience I realized that my gluttonous lunch had finally caught up with me. My lower intestinal growling had finally built up to volcanic proportions.

With a cry of desperate urgency I took off my thick belt with the metal buckle and rushed past them into the nearest bathroom yelling "You two are banished to the backyard for the next hour!"

I knew it would hurt whenever I waited so long to vacate my bowels and so it did. But the pain gradually subsided as I considered what my kids had done. Instead of installing the broken lock in their own door, they had installed it into the guest bedroom door. Now, if I invited you to stay with me and I barged in while you were changing, I would see you naked. And it would be because of my teenagers.

As I listened to the faint sounds of my kids playing in the backyard I realized that this bathroom contained no toilet paper. No matter, I have my trusted iPad and I could always post to GPF. I wonder what topic should I write.

 

[Mucky_Waters]

I knew this was going to end badly.